9. Alive Inside a Mountain of Cloud!


Blog 9: October 5, 1996
—I close my eyes and I feel clouds envelop the mountains around me. They are inside of me. The stones turn to red and then pure white. I scream out to the mountains and become a part of their mass. My hand runs along the curves of the pines, the yellow leaves of autumn’s trees; along the back edge of the furthest mountain peak, inside the crevice where green rivers of trees run; along the distant blue horizon and the stones below my crossed legs.

If all connection is about recognizing the space between my hand and this place—and knowing that the space in between can be any distance I make it or don’t make it—then the separation between ourselves and this world is an illusion. When I am in awe of the beauty of this place, I can start to be the energy of light that forms this all and makes it beautiful. I see how this energy of light is connected to me, and that we are not two solids, but two liquid matters flowing like a river into each other.


I open and close my eyes as Richard and I sit at the top of the Sandia Mountains—the same mountains that called me when I was driving through Arkansas (although it took me a while to realize that this was the place, and not a mountain in LA). We feel the utter peace of being here, 10,000-plus-feet above sea level. Then, we drive down curving roads, slowly, listening to every note of a Maria Callas recording. The past and the present are melding together—the mountains are as much home to me as the familiar sound of Maria Callas’s opera my father used to play throughout the house when I was a child. It brings me back to my creative passion as an artist. Art and nature. The land and music connected. It is so great to share this moment with Richard. No talking, just driving a snail’s pace down this mountain of clouds.


9 thoughts on “9. Alive Inside a Mountain of Cloud!

  1. This statement and question format is interesting, but we’really losing the thread of your personal narrativemail framework which would make these pieces more powerful. Your narrative is lowerful. You left us off still at Judiths’s, having met this guy but still in the process of slouching off your old skin. Keep up the narrative. You need that framework before you start giving us homework.

    /s/ Your Unsolicited Editor

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, no, I left you hanging, my dear unsolicited editor! Thank you for letting me know, since the fact that you wrote this tells me you are reading my posts with care. This blog process if new for me. I write blogs that can stand alone (since some don’t read all that you do) and I write for the larger story I am telling. But, I left you hanging at Judith’s house with a groin pull and needing to slow down. Then I went to the mountains, had an amazing esoteric experience, yet made no MENTION of my groin pull. My apologies. It is, I must say, a story of my younger years when I literally ignored that which didn’t fit into my plan. But I will not leave you hanging any more. I promise. Stay tuned for more…..


  2. Hello my unsolicited editor, the Typist…I appreciate your reflections and you have a good point. I left you hanging at Judith’s house! It’s a new process, writing a blog…where each blog is a separate entry, yet tied together to create a full story in my case. I am SO SORRY I left you hanging. It tells me you are following the story well! Thank you. I got injured, popped something off my groin, and then here I am having an existential experience in the mountains. No worries, the groin pull doesn’t go away (as much I had hoped it would when I went to the mountain with Richard). But, your unsolicited comments are appreciated. Stay tuned…I will not leave you hanging any more!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A time that calls to me is during Yoga Training when I had the privilege and opportunity to spend five days at Earth Rise Retreat Center in Petaluma, California. We were being guided through yoga nidra experience. I became entrained with my breathing and I felt so much love. I was the river of light. It was beautiful

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My search for that feeling of “oneness” began many, many years ago. I can truthfully say that it has manifested itself in my daily life at this point, and there is a constantly feeling of joy in that. But for me at least it required, among other things, recognizing that oneness isn’t in and of itself the source of that joy. It is in the full and fearless acceptance not just of light and happiness, but of pain, anguish sorrow, suffering–the very things we think we must try to avoid in seeking joy. In that way I found joy amidst the acceptance of all things as they are–in the midst of unending heartbreak. It was and remains a difficult, rewarding, and beautiful journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ain’t that the truth. It’s interesting writing about this journey of mine from almost twenty years ago and how much we learn with time, age, etc… or hopefully we do! I know, Paul, that you’ve had plenty of trials and tribulations, so I honor your way and your peace and heart.


  6. Mine came quite unexpectedly and I had no clue it was ever coming until, like a bus going at full speed, it hit me and took me on a long sideways ride. I had been traveling for 5 or so months – trained and bussed my way from California, through the entire South, up the East Coast, then explored my way to Montréal; stayed there for 3 months; and it was the last Biodanza session I had before I would leave the country. I had an encounter with an older woman who was there for the second time who reminded me of cherubim angels, and rapidly, before we knew it – we were suddenly connected together at the highest level of consciousness and connectedness in what I could only describe as “cosmic infinite sex” at the time – I had never been in any sort of relationship before, much less an intimate or sexual relationship. We were deep into and immersed in a infinite sphere of unconditional love of infinite intensity, and saw All There Was for us to perceive, but not necessarily retain or comprehend. We were The Universe / God / whatever pleases ya’, and we saw everything for what it was. I spent months afterwards having downloads, revelations. For me, it was a sneak preview of what was possible, followed by going back to my origin point and forging my own road there or similar; and for her, it was a culmination of her life’s work as she thought that such an experience could theoretically exist, but that showed her it was definitely possible and real. Ever since that time – the only relationship that was ever meaningful was a fully connected one – not just a sexual one, not just a superficial one, not just a ho-hum one…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nice! It’s great when we experience something that shows us what is possible. It stays with us forever, in us, as a place to come back to at different points in our life…or a place to grow into a way of living.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s