91. The Magic of Loving What Is

BLOG 91— (present reflections tied to March 2001 journal entries about my healing journey)—The sun paints the sky in bright pink, orange, and grey-blue streaks as it sets here in New Mexico. Our Sandia mountains reflect the evening like the inside of a watermelon. And on the weekends, after a week of finding play and joy in my work, my shared home, Casa de Duende, becomes a place of retreat with late breakfast on the patio, Friday night movies, and walks above fallen leaves with my love.

Years ago, in my late twenties, when I first came here to New Mexico, I was so much more restless than today. I arrived from the East Coast eager to connect spiritually and to experience magic…to see some apparition appear from behind a burning bush, or to discover I could fly, or at least soar as spirit to places beyond the physical and material limitations that were so rigidly held on the East Coast. I was ready for anything, as long as it was grandiose and magical. What happened though, was anything but this.

In my search for magic, I became broken. The greater my hunger for magic, for something outside of me to fill the emptiness inside, the more I broke. In my journal of March of 2001, I reflected on this search for magic, and how, five year852fdc54dc5f7a0c165483816c2d03c6s prior to that, a strong sense of longing to feel life in a big way, to feel spirit, to feel alive, to fill up from the outside in, led to my injury. In my journal of that spring, I wrote, “I spent all my time chasing magic, when really what I wanted was to open my heart and feel. My heart was the universe and I wanted to be able to tune into my heart, to all that I had felt so numb toward.”

In that March, 2001 journal entry, I concluded that “If I believe my heart has a voice and something to express, then there will be magic in my life that will only grow.”

Five years before my journal entry, in my late twenties—more than 20 years ago—I was called to New Mexico, where I landed, uncertain as to why. What I do know is that back then I longed so desperately for that magic and spiritual connection—that connection to that sense of God I had no name for back then. Today, as I look around me, I see the magic in front of me. It’s in my heart, and my ability to feel and receive the beauty dc5bf5dac0bbd4d9095f9e6e961b86a2.jpgaround me. It’s in watching the sunset, in sharing my life with my love and partner, in many walks and moments with friends, in the laughter, play, and celebration of our lives together.

As I watch this modern world and its elites wielding for more power and money, I’m saddened by how much we’ve neglected this life, our earth, and its magic that weaves a colorful fabric into our lives. In our need to fill up with more, to pour more into the emptiness, we allow the forests to burn, temperatures to rise, floods to clean away the excess of all that we live. We neglect the poor, those who have so little and need community and care, and in doing so, bit by bit, we destroy our common home.

Maybe opening our hearts and learning to feel and receive the beauty around us, and to love each other and what we have just a bit more, could be what saves us. Maybe, instead of looking for magic and more to fill the emptiness, we wake up to ourselves, to our beating hearts longing to feel again this love that is here and now.

My Novel, Child of Duende: A Journey of the Spirit, is a story of returning home to the earth inside and all around us. It’s now available in Spanish as Niña Duende: Un Viaje del Espiritu, that’s available on Amazon at Amazon Page or at www.michelleadam.net. It was soon be published by the Spanish publisher Corona Borealis and the Portuguese publisher, Edições Mahatma. It can be ordered at a local bookstore or directly from me (for those outside of the U.S.) as well. Also, watch a brief video on “duende”, “the spirit of the earth”: YouTube Video

10 thoughts on “91. The Magic of Loving What Is

  1. Well written Michelle. We search and search not realising that the thing we seek is within. You most certainly have been on a beautiful journey even though that magic of its realisation takes so long top see. But that is its beauty, an appreciation of what it took to find that light ❤️
    Thank you for sharing a lovely sunset on a journey well taken ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great post! When things don’t go according to plan it can be frustrating but we have to allow ourselves to be open to the beauty of what is even if it doesn’t look like our initial plans x

    Liked by 2 people

    • As in all places Michelle, it is in a large change.
      Politically it goes from one angst to the next with our politicians inaction, smoke and mirrors with our 12 year drought and bush fires. (Mind you, you can apply the same to any situation over here).
      Socially our relationships are becoming more insular by our technology and its affects on parents as well as children.
      Culturally? It is disappearing as it merges with our many other cultures that are pouring into a country that is not allowing assimilation so that it doesn’t become a melting pot. We have never been able to have a large population because of the constant droughts and low water situations.
      Environmentally this country is sitting in a situation where for thousands of years fires lit by lightning would keep the undergrowth to a ‘light’ level so that fires would go through and not be so ‘hot’ and be patchy to allow those areas to be re-established by the local flora and fauna. Because of the current practices of no burn off along with the drought, the fires here have been ferocious in temperature and because of this has razed everything to the ground over much, much larger areas. It has annihilated, large populations of koalas, kangaroos, bird life and plants to such a degree it will take many, many years to even get past the scorched earth that it has created. And that is if we don’t have another drought. Which has also been a regular event for thousands of years, the flora and fauna are so unlike anywhere else on earth because of it.
      Spiritually? Thankfully it matters not if we are in mid city, out in the country or sitting by ourselves on the moon. We will always have the capacity to find ourselves even with all of the above. That is the beauty of mankind. We can be in the most horrible place but that inner spark will always come into those darkness’s and light our journey with that inner love that we so specialise in. And in doing so break free from our self made emotional cages to appreciate what it has taken to find a love and happiness always searched for, and begin to create rather than react to this world that is ,as it is, exactly what we need to find that beauty ❤️
      Thank you for caring to ask, may your country be in change also (ok, maybe not the politicians 😀), to find that place within ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mark, You wrote such a caring reflection of your Australia. It was so beautiful and ample. Thank you. I really enjoyed your sharing and apologize for taking a while here to respond. I got so caught up with finishing work and preparing for the holidays and then living the holidays. But that said, it is so sad what is happening for Australia and we will be connecting our hearts and minds to pray for rain and healing for the land there. I hope your beautiful country can experience some relief shortly and then, perhaps, find ways to support a sustainable future there as we all need to do. Happy New Year! May this be a New Year indeed in many ways!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you Michelle, blessings and wishes gratefully received kind lady. This difficult time with the fires and drought has truly asked us to look deeper, in heart, caring and love for others. We are all learning to connect and create instead of reacting to this world, a journey to be that love we always seek.
        Happy New Year and may your new year also be the magic that inner heart always creates and shares dear lady 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 🦘.


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